I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
