he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You are a genius and a whore.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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