I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize