Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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