Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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