just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
