he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
