You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
