Who did Billy Mays play for?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
