remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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