I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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