I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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