Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
