I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
