I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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