i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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