No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize