I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
