marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
