we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
