Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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