Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
