So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
