But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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