remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
