So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
