i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The air taste purple.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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