my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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