Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
