Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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