I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
