weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
