God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
