Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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