my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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