So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
