White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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