i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk is not a location!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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