wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
