I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
