Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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