Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you would pick up someone in the library
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
