I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
