best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
