I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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