She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
