You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
