he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I checked into jail on foursquare
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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