K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
