I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
