I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize