Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I die, sorry about rent.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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