he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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