Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
