She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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