i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
