Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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