Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Found your dick twin last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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