dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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