But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
