He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
