whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
