I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
