The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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