first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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