remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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