it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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