Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
